F for functions; F for flattery!

http://www.risingkashmir.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=23553&Itemid=51 Of the functions, for the functions, by the functions... Darbar has shifted to Srinagar. His Highness is here and so are all the functions, ceremonies, innuagrations, validictories, openings, parties and outings as well. The much disturbed air again meets the ear-piercing sirens of the cavalcades of Very Impotent (of course for jobs) Persons. All departments have geared up, not for the regular work but for the “special functions” to appease their bosses for the next six months. The coming months at the summer capital will be quite busy till October at least unless something “too happening” comes our way. Amid all this the poor dust in the auditoriums of government offices and other ceremonial places becomes victim of the “happening capital”. It has to migrate after a settlement of six months. The Public Relation Officers (Media Relation Officers) in offices too are a species of its kind. They all have been sucessful in 'redefining' the term 'public.' Inboxes of mails and cellphones of journalists are full of information and invitations these days. They are considered to be the public. Journalists are hyper-busy as well for few months from now. After all who will cover the functions? All this has to get recorded somewhere and thanks that His Highness has more faith on many journalists than his people on rolls. Coming back to functions, it seems the government is all about of the functions, for the functions and by the functions. The function pattern in government is set like the expired syllabus of the traditional educational boards or the sequence of a DD Kashir serial. It all starts with inaugural part: panacea for all the problems you have with your higher ups. One just has to manage a seat of the immediate officer in front row and speak a line about him from podium. Inviting him or her for lecture on dias is cherry on the cake.Promotion or some favour is just moments away! This is the most important session for journalists. People who want to show face just for attendance too are seen in the session. Interestingly distribution of bouquets and momentos happens during the innuagral as well. The officials in the department distribute momentos amongst themselves. Commisioner Secretary gives to Minister, Director gives to Commisoner Secretary, Deputy Director gives to Director and chain follows according to demand. It is a perfect family scene but the members behaving like strangers and many a time it is true as well. Interestingly the show is managed from money spent from the pocket of another dowtrodden family called 'public.' Public (not the PRO definition) often sit and clap on how their money is being distributed on stage. The host plays the role of traditional 'Qasidda Khaan' narrating all the poetry of Iqbal, Galib and other poets to shower praises on officials and policy makers who many a time are under the scanner for different 'issues.' Now comes the best session of a function. Luch break! The part everyone enjoys but the poor family called 'public' are discriminated here as well. They are chased away to make way for those who have really put in all the efforts in innuagral session. Leave the public! we are talking about the 'elite.' Here comes the grand feast and department or whoever is the host gets cleanchit for next six months at least. Luncheons can really turn tables in favor or against. What follows is the technical session which nobody understands. Everybody is in the post lunch trance. The sincere minority of the learned men are speaking with the projectors or their papers in this session. It is a session to give stomach some rest for the time being! Children of many delegates are seen roaming in the conference hall as well to add to the color of the conference. Kashmir University recordings of last year conferences are a good refrence material for all this. Now too much of work has been done. A tea break and validictory function with thanksgiving lecture. Suddenly the host declares conference as a 'revoltuionizing step' in certain direction that will remove all the concerns as everything has been discussed in the conference. Now the delegates are requested to accompany hosts for an outing to Gulmarg and Pahalgam.